Express Yourself Girl!

Today, I went to my cousin’s wedding. She used to live with us when she was still studying in college… My mom was one of her Sponsors.. It was a very beautiful day to get married. Since, the wedding is gonna take place in the province.. My mom and I left around 3.30 am.. My mom arranged us a ride with her cousin.. They decided to meet-up at Gaisano tabunok since it’s both convenient to both sides.. When we arrived there, we waited at least 5-8 minutes then our ride finally came..

It was a looooonnngg ride…. I’m not usually the talkative kind of person but I talk to people I’m close with, but in this case.. I’m meeting the cousins I rarely see and two cute and adorable nieces. I’m not actually sure what to say to them.. so I left the talking to my mom.. since she knew all of the passengers so well.. :) 

When we arrived at the church, it was still the same old-new looking church I’ve once seen during my childhood.. If I remembered correctly I was 9 years old since the last time I came there.. :) 

I saw my Aunties that I haven’t seen in awhile.. And I’ve observed that the way the people interact there is like FAMILY, even though they’re just neighbors.. I even thought that they are all related to our family tree.. I’ve also observed that most people there doesn’t give a damn about the usual things that bothers me during an occasion like this.. example: clothes, accessories I’d wear, make-up and a lot more girly stuff I’m always concerned about.. To them, the most important thing is the WEDDING ITSELF.. :) To them, we should all give the bride and the groom our blessings.. we should all smile to them and never pout ‘cause it’s bad luck.. 

It made me realize that there are a lot more important things in life than those petty girlishness..

My family and I are not the rich kind.. but we’re not the poor kind also.. we’re just average.. I never thought that I also have family members that aren’t lucky in life yet.. I saw some of the houses of my Aunts.. and boy, I was so shocked to see how simple looking it was.. It was all traditional.. the kind that you usually see in the textbooks of children.. I still can’t believe that “Bahay na Kubo” still exists.. the most amazing part of it is that the lavatory/bathroom is outside the house.. :) 

I’m so thankful that I came with my mom today.. It was an experience that I could never forget.. :) I saw some of my relatives struggle in poverty.. My heart really ache. If only I was rich enough to help them…. I can’t imagine my grandfather and grandmother used to lived like that.. My grandparents used to tell us that life in the olden days were so different than the life we have now.. They even told us the time when they were hiding from the JAPANESE GOVERNMENT.. the time, when they have nothing else to eat but camote, banana and if they get lucky a native chicken..

Other thing I’ve learned today is that poverty will NEVER STOP AN AMBITIOUS MAN.. :) I’m so proud of my grandparents ‘cause they’ve rise themselves up and tried to live a better life.. :D 

I’ve learned a lot today and somehow this day gave me a roller coaster feeling.. I was happy with the views I’ve seen, the new memories I’ve created with my other relatives then, I’ve felt a little emotional about my relatives situation but then, I’ve become proud ‘cause for them they are contented with a simple life as long as they’re happy.. and as far as I could see it, I saw a lot of SMILES in their faces.. :)

Hopefully, when I see them again.. they’ll have a much more better life.. A life they deserve much better.. :) 

-dayanaramae 05/11/2013

I don’t want to sound UNGRATEFUL

But I don’t think my life is that PRECIOUS

I know it may seemed RIDICULOUS

But, I know my life is not that WONDERFUL

I have a lot of flaws and IMPERFECTIONS

My life is full of CRAZY MISCOMMUNICATIONS

I’m not that VOCAL when it comes to my feelings

Deep inside my heart is LOUDLY WEEPING

I’ve always wanted to end this silly little life of mine

But something’s stopping me from pushing that red button

It’s as if there’s still HOPE which is as small as a dime

I hope that this HOPE is as absolvent as cotton

 I don’t know how this silly poem ends

But from now on, I don’t want to pretend

My feelings should be as free as a bee

So that I can be who I’m supposed to be.

-dayanaramae <3

the title of this quiz captured my FULL attention. :) It is called “DO YOU REALLY WANT A BOYFRIEND” I was laughing so hard with the results. :) here it is : 

Yes? Sigh. You’re in love with the idea of having a boyfriend, but you aren’t sure you’re ready for the complications of a relationship. You like the thought of holding hands and bumping into your crush, but you’re scared of anything beyond that. Chill! You’re young and you don’t need to rush getting together with anyone. When the time is right, you’ll fall in love—and you won’t be scared to!Take more quizzes like this on <a href=”http://www.candymag.com/”>Candymag.com</a>

I guess, I’m still not ready to have one. :) I’m not in a hurry anyway. I still need to learn a lot more things before I fall in love. :D

-babydayan

I can’t concentrate!! He’s always on my mind. I don’t know why I’m allowing myself with this silliness!! This is just outrageous!! My heart knows he’s not worth it. But why is my mind entertaining thoughts of him?! It just doesn’t make any sense. :( I don’t like it when my mind thinks about “him and me” having a happy ending. cause I know that’ll never happen. my heart has already accepted it.. but why would my mind allow it to enter my thoughts?? Arrrggghh!! now I’m saying such foolish words… Why do I have to fall in love with the wrong person?! He’s someone that any girl would want to be with… but… I know his heart already belongs to someone else. T.T STOP!!! I’m not gonna think about him again!! and I’m not gonna write about him again!! this would be the last time…. ( but then again.. I know this won’t be the last time) I’m thankful that tumblr is here.. or else I wouldn’t know where to put this crazy thoughts of mine..

Something about him makes me feel much adrenaline rush.. Yes he’s handsome and YES! He’s very talented.. And he’s really quite famous and most girls LIKES him… though I’m not that into him…but there’s just something about him that makes me want to get closer.. he has this incredible smile that I rarely see.. cause honestly.. he doesn’t smile much… he seems so mysterious and yet very predictable at times.. sometimes he’s too serious but he knows how to let loose.. I’ve always seen him thinking… he’s drown with his own thoughts.. sometimes I want to join him with his weariness.. cause he seems to be carrying such great burden.. I wanted to be that girl that’ll make him smile whole-heartily. :) I want to be that girl that’ll make him laugh and just enjoy life.. I want to be that girl that’ll give him happy day-dreams instead of scary deep shits.. I want to be that girl he’ll hug when he’s feeling a little blue. I want to be that girl he’ll call first when he’s in trouble…. I want to be that girl he’ll give his love to…. What am I saying?! :( I know I can’t be that girl.. I’m not his type.. :( I’ll never be his type.. I don’t know.. I don’t even know why I am spending time and effort writing about him.. maybe I just want to let this feeling out.. maybe tomorrow.. I won’t be thinking about him? :/ I’m not sure.. *sigh… Why can’t I just get him out of my system? I don’t understand myself.. really.. :( 

Why are you doing this to me? I thought I’m not gonna be affected by you anymore. but it seems like I’m wrong again. I really hate to say this but its true that, “FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES”. your first love always haunts you. and it’s so darn painful… I know there could never be an US. but I just hoped that someday.. I could forget all about you.. :( I don’t want to live in this misery forever.. :l

Earlier today, I woke up filled with good vibes. :) When I went to school, my smile was plastered on my lips. I wondered why I feel so happy.. But then, I remembered my dream last night.. I dreamt about him again.. (my first love) I was with him during our school festival. I know it’s impossible to happen for he doesn’t feel the same way as I do. So, it’s impossible for me and him to be together. But my heart always tells me that he likes me too.. I don’t know.. My dreams are sometimes true.. but they’re not that accurate. I just hoped I won’t see him just yet.. I’m not yet ready.. :( I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever see him.. :(

                                                                                            -babydayan </3

I never thought that this kind of feeling will visit me again.. I think it’s great that it came… It’s been such a long time since the last time I’ve had this much excitement… and now that’s it’s here..it’s kinda scary.. :) but I’ll do my best not to be.. :) I know I just met him.. and I don’t know much about him… but I’m starting to like him.. He’s a great blogger. I love his every posts… :) this kind of feeling makes me feel more inspired to blog.. :) I think this is what it is… having a crush on someone I knew online is not new to me.. but what’s new is that this “Crush” really knows how to keep a great conversation. :) I just hope it won’t be like last time.. :/ 

Yes, last time I had a crush on someone I met online.. It’s from another website that I really don’t wanna mention.. I thought he really liked me.. but it turned out that every message he sent wasn’t really sincere.. :( Anyway.. I’ve moved on… :) this time.. I’ll be smarter.. :D I hope this new CRUSH I have will continue to give me good vibes. :) 

-babydayan <3

Sometimes in life, things just suddenly happens. Especially if you always think positive. Today, my friend Kara told me to stop being so negative. she said “No wonder you have a lot of problems. Because you are opening a passage for negative energy.” Since then, I’ve realized that she’s right. no matter what happens I should always think positive. I’m beginning to feel that positive energy that’s flowing within my body. :) Good things always happens to positive thinkers. :D